Spirit Stitchers

At 6:00pm eastern standard time May 7, 2008 fifty B-2 Stealth Spirit Bombers flewn by on-duty United States Air Force aviator captains crashed in strategic locations in all fifty U.S. states. The flyers, each a female member of the United States National Guard under the age of 26, collectively call themselves, “the Synchronized Spirit Stitchers,” (S.S.S.), an underground paramilitary organization, the details of which are still largely unknown. The S.S.S. mission statement, cryptic, cursive-written paragraphs on scented stationary characterizing the group’s desirous will to destruction, was found in fifty identical suicide notes by relatives of the deceased stitchers:

As Synchronized Spirit Stitchers, our commanding ethos is the dismantling of this nation’s sanguine illusions of geographical impermeability and the blind, eternal fealty of the American soldier. We openly decry the myth of a cohesive, patriotic national defense force consisting of human fighting machines beholden in body and mind to its official ruling power. We will expose, through synchronized sky needlepoint suicide, an important instance of political atrophy, in which a significant faction of an apotropaic aerial warfare branch of the National Government turns over, slips, loops and stings; defeats herself.

Despite the government’s scramble to bury all evidence of the crashes, the Spirits’ suicides set in motion a media blitz commensurate with total air-wave takeover, the coup receiving significant coverage on every major news channel in 74 nations worldwide. Regardless of the organization’s very brief existence and the swift governmental divestiture of all information related to the cabal, the S.S.S. left a mysterious dent in the American consciousness, a blow that would corroborate the United States Government’s fear of total national moral decline enabling self-destruction. The arcane vision of the Synchronized Spirit Stitchers is preserved to this day by 50 6’ deep holes made at each B-2’s respective point of entrance. In addition, there exists curious radiographs of each pilot’s careening obtained by air traffic control on 05/07/2008, computer generated images nearly identical to a series of thread on paper needlepoints found in the top secret S.S.S. headquarters. When paired with the radiographs the needleworks indicate each B-2’s flight route literally spelled out an invisible polemic: an ephemeral imprint traced across the sky by each flyer during her dooming dissent, among the 50 were heterodoxy, treason, hope, girls, feminism, song, women & impavid. The memory of these tidy national miscreant’s bold bloodshed will surely stain textbooks for centuries to come.