Death Instinct

desire is an exile, desire is a desert that traverses the body*

i'm looking for a date tonight: dinner, drinks, or we can go see a movie.

the prime function incumbent upon the socius, has always been to codify the flows of desire, to inscribe them, to record them, to see to it that no flow exists that is not properly damned up, channeled, regulated.

the death instinct – when my mechanisms fail to damn up an urge, and something unearthly, something razor sharp courses through me swiftly. routine motions feel dangerous, hyper-speed, painful, suspect. what monster lies at the end of my charm-chain? he who has designed for me a series of cravings, satisfied only by my very perfect alienation.

the intrinsic power of desire to create its own object – if only in an unreal, hallucinatory, or delirious form…

again, i set out, looking for a mystery that would feel new, looking for a mental embankment that would, at least, be of my own creation. oh world – won’t you envelope me, sweep me up, ravish me with magical thinking? i combed my beaches and yours, looking for clues, for darts of adrenaline i could fold between my orphaned, shallow breathing.

the wind is free and i am alone again - the moon’s mist, ruptures of light and reflection, sound and echo wrapping up around me like a marvelous cloak. if only this nourishment alone would suffice. that infectious melody floats up from below, dissonant and familiar,

i'm looking for a date tonight: dinner, drinks, or we can go see a movie. hoping to meet someone interesting for dinner tonite. i drive and we can go or meet at a restaurant... i’m looking for a someone to hang out with for drinks. take out and drinks? i only drink socially. looking for a fun, pretty and affectionate woman for dinner date. really wish i had something lined up with a cute girl tonight ( a drink or maybe even eating outside somewhere cool). any ladies up for a drink & movie tonight? we can go for a ride around the city in my classic car and go to a great resturant. drinks, dinner, starbucks, people watching? would like to share drinks and dinner with a lovely woman. it's 4:45 on saturday, and I'm looking to go around 7:00 (although I'm flexible on that). also open on food type - lets decide together! i am planning on an 8:30 pm seating. i do hope you can join me. lets go out have dinner and a movie. i’m tired of meeting the wrong people in bars clubs and lounges. we'll have martinis, chat and get this summer started. i like little dive bars, but occasionally it's nice to get dressed up and head to a lounge. i would love to talk over drinks, and if we connect maybe watch a movie. let's meet up for drinks and go from there! maybe this evening, a movie, jazz bar, some wine or drinks or otherwise? i'm looking for a nice woman that would be interested in meeting for a drink. go party, have drinks, dinner, catch a show or movie. want to hang out to a movie or dinner. i love movies, dining out, shopping, amusement, romance... i love movies, dining out, shopping, amusement, romance... i'm looking for a date tonight: dinner, drinks, or we can go see a movie.

you found me torn at the edges and starving, eager to make a square, safe, epicurean investment. this feeling of lack fluttered around, glittering and capsizing at my palms. what codes grant access to this reality? what naturally ruling government of instincts suffers when sublimation and subterfuge reign? these words set out like death vessels in the night, carrying the weak and the illiterate, carrying those passengers that longed to be ravished by self-gratifying designs. rot language rung out like an elegiacal chorus, a fluttering of knives and forks banging again and again, fat fingers shooting up, gesturing, begging, belching, demanding: status! intimacy! comfort! service! like a terrible alphabet, this chorus, tracing its signs directly on my body, a system of cruelty:

i'm looking for a date tonight: dinner, drinks, or we can go see a movie. hoping to meet someone interesting for dinner tonite. i drive and we can go or meet at a restaurant... it is the displacement of the limit that haunts all societies; namely, the decoded flows of desire.

i'm looking for a date tonight: dinner, drinks, or we can go see a movie. FOR STARTERS, WE WILL TRAVEL TO THE CARIBBEAN SEVERAL TIMES PER YEAR, EUROPE AND EXOTIC COUNTRIES AROUND THE WORLD. WE WILL STAY IN EXCELLENT HOTELS AND DINE AT THE FINEST RESTAURANTS. you may not believe this, but i actually know a starbucks where we can get an overpriced, over roasted cappuccino and "continue" this conversation before the night. maybe we can have a drinks first. maybe we can have a drinks first. maybe we can have a drinks first. is there any single female that would like to catch a movie today? just a harmless meeting, if thing goes well we can do something else afterward, like dinner or drinks. you woke up wishing that you were next to someone you love, spent the day having brunch together followed by some shopping in soho, saw a movie in union square, walked across the street to whole foods to buy some groceries, had fun in the kitchen cooking a nice meal together, then cuddled on the couch the rest of the night watching movies and drinking wine until you fell asleep in each others arms. when we meet for a cup of coffee or a drink we can see each other without any strings attached.

this psychic melody, this despicable routine; reaching for that unreal, hallucinatory, or delirious form of nourishment. our wretched amusements grew upon hidden, ancient ruins. this trap, i whispered, i am its purveyor. looking for a fun, pretty and affectionate woman for dinner date. with greasy used napkins folded in diamond shape over my elbow, my eyelids heavy, fluttering just above closed to murmur sweetly – open for business – yet still aggressive, efficient, bleached; smiling stunningly from the belly of this dark, safe, predictable mechanism. it was cannibalism!

desire is an exile, desire is a dessert that traverses the body,
i'm looking for a date tonight: dinner, drinks, or we can go see a movie.




* this piece is comprised of three overlapping parts: material appearing in italics has been taken from “anti-oedipus: capitalism & schizophrenia,” by gilles deleuze & felix guattari (1983). additional segments were borrowed from male to female personal ads on craigslist and the remaining text is my own.